Jealousy

I was researching this topic, and want to do a series on jealousy in a poly relationship.
This is probably one of the most important things to understand, the other is communication.
I did not write this; in the first section the author was not noted. I will credit the authors as I go.  Thank you
~Sam

Jealousy

Jealousy is a very real and potentially ugly emotion to be present in any relationship. In a Poly relationship, however, the jealousy that people feel tends to be of a different nature entirely. In a monogamous relationship, jealousy tends to center around one partner basically being untrusting of the other partner in regards to a member of the opposite sex. Generally a wife becomes jealous if her husband spends a lot of time with another woman, or vice versa. From my point of view living in an extended family, I find myself jealous not of Kriek as a person, but occasionally of the time he spends with Sister Dagger or sometimes even the Relationship Dynamic that they share. (See Relationship Dynamics under the Practical Issues Section for more on this).

Once I find myself starting to feel jealous even in the slightest, I merely step back and look at the subject objectively. Our wife is a fantastic, loving woman who is sharing her life with two men and loving them both equally yet differently at the same time. Knowing her like I do, I know that she is trying to create a balance between the time she spends with both of her husbands so as not to create ill feelings or resentment.

Jealousy, like many emotions, is a healthy one provided that it doesn't fester and become a much worse problem for all parties involved. Jealousy that persists could very well be an underlying indication of a much more serious issue.

I think that it's important to note that while jealousy is an emotion, it's not one that can exist without many other companion emotions living with it. It's more likely a symptom of other issues or emotions then a free-standing emotion all it's own. In order to feel jealousy you must first feel something else. Think of jealousy as the end result of the experiment. What was it that served as the catalyst for this emotion you're feeling? Chances are that you'll never wake up in the morning feeling jealous without having at least one other emotion mixed in there. Every single person feels at least a twinge of jealousy at some time in their life. The sad thing is that many people don't realize it for what it is and chalk it up to something different entirely. Any person that tells you that they aren't the jealous type is making a blanket statement that's pretty hard to back up. The most important thing to overcome when dealing with jealousy is learning how to recognize it for what it is. After that it gets easier; well a little bit anyway.

Author
Nobody's Angel; June 30, 2007 

The Reality of Fantasy

By sub_kathleen

June 4, 20
We all have them, those amazing sexual fantasies; the ones that may have first introduced us to the passions burning with in us, the desires that go beyond the typical sexual acts of the vanilla couple.
The romantic, animalistic beautifully painfully and scary pictures painted in all those novels, the Victorian house maid, the pleasure slave, the kidnapped, bound and tortured and the 50 shades of whatever.

Perhaps it was these scenes that touched a place within us and created the need to explore and experience this beautiful and fulfilling BDSM lifestyle. So we begin our journey. But as we learn and grow and navigate this new journey we find that we live in a world very much removed from the fantasy. The question then becomes, can we create the fantasy within the world and relationship and path we are currently on? i will say yes, yes you absolutely can. And not just with role play and scenes but with your everyday 24/7 lifestyle.

It is crucial when we explore and grow that we also keep a balance on reality and still find the fantasy within that reality. I know that sounds a bit confusing but let me see if i can elaborate with a personal experience.

It was almost time for the fourth of July holiday weekend. Master planned a beautiful weekend at the shore. Sun, sand, the sounds of the waves as they caressed the shore. The smell of the salt water and the boardwalk fries. I was giddy with excitement and the thought of just getting away and spending time away from the house and chores. Time to just belong to Master.

Immediately i began to daydream and fantasize. Remembering all the amazing romantic beach scenes I have read and almost climaxed to.

*—–**The Fantasy…** Walking along the beach, alone, feeling the cool wet sand beneath my feet and missing Him. Wanting to just feel His touch. It’s the early evening and the sun has just about fallen behind the ocean and i am feeling a bit cold and empty, i look up to see the last of the sun sink into the water and then turn and there he was. I look up at Him confusion clear on my face. He said he couldn’t join me, said he had an emergency to take care of but there he was. Barefoot, shirt open, hair mussed by the breeze blowing off the water, eyes as dark and deep as the ocean, standing directly in front of me.
He grabs the back of my hair and pulls me into his arm for a kiss so hungry and wild i thought i would drown right there, unable to breath as if being swallowed by the ocean itself. As he releases me from the kiss he whispers, “it seems i have missed the sunset, but perhaps i can show you the beauty, passion and fire of the sunrise

Awakening from my daydream and feeling wet and wanting i realized there was much work to be done to prepare for the weekend and then i immediately remembered it would not be just Master and i on this trip. We are responsible for the care of my father who lives with us and he would be sharing this Holiday weekend with us.

The fantasy gone now i begin making arrangement with the kennel to care for our dog, making certain all the beach gear was clean and ready for packing. Setting up extra food and water and comforts for our cats who can take care of themselves for the weekend, packing for dad, preparing clothes for Master to choose from gathering our luggage and making my checklist so not to forget anything. This is the reality of the slave/submissive in my household. This is my reality.

So when does the fantasy start you may be asking? Well for me it already had. Going through my chores i think of myself as the house slave, running around to prepare everything for Master. Making certain that when it is time to leave for the weekend all Master need do is get into the car and drive. I can hear Him say, “good girl, you have remembered everything”. i smile, bow gracefully and think, yes this weekend will be perfect. I love making my reality my fantasy .

**—-The Reality….** The day we arrived at the Hotel on the beach we were under a Hurricane warning. It was crazy. The waves were angry and large walls of water were rushing in to pound the shore. But most of the storm had already passed us and the conditioned promised to improve. Master and i didn’t care, we were away from home and the stresses of the everyday and Master as always promised to make this a memorable trip. So we checked in and got dad all settled into the room where he settled in for his afternoon nap. Master informed Him that we would be going out to find a place to grab a bite and would bring him back a snack. And so we did.

Throwing on the rain poncho’s i packed, hand in hand we walked along the boardwalk in the rain and wind, barefoot and laughing at our luck and reconnecting as Master and slave. We talked about the plans for the remainder of the trip and Master made a few changes to adapt to the unpredictable weather conditions. Master insisted we shop for sweat jackets in case the temperatures dropped in the evening because of the storm and then we found a little place on the boardwalk for a couple of beers and some salad and sandwiches. It was perfect and magical and every bit as hot and passionate as those romance novels. Master taking control, daring the weather to interfere with the plans he made, yes it was my reality/fantasy. Can you see it? Can you feel it?

After lunch as we walked backed to the hotel Master asked what i was thinking and i said, Sir, i was recalling a fantasy i recently had. It took place on the beach as the sun came up. “Continue he said” So i did, “We were on the beach You, me, sand the rising sun. Your hunger and passion so strong. You pinned me down and tore the cotton shirt from me then used it to bind my wrist, then lifting my skirt you took every bit of what was rightfully yours to take Sir”. Looking down and smiling as we continued to walk i could hear Master’s growl and then chuckle but He said nothing more. I ended the story there but shared one final thought. “Sir you know i have never actually seen the sunrise from the ocean before.” Master replied “This is a public beach you know” Then i chuckled and replied, “yes Sir, i know”

The day and evening continued as planned, the weather cleared and the fireworks show was fantastic. The crowd began to clear and we took a slow leisurely stroll back to the hotel, dad following behind in his scooter and stopping to get the ice-cream dad requested and coffee for ourselves and if i recall a snack for the room.

With dad all tucked in we sat out on the balcony of our room and just took in the sound and peace of the ocean. Then off to bed to recharge for the full day planned tomorrow.

It was 4:00 am when Master woke me. Whispering in my ear He said, if you don’t get up you will miss it. Miss what i said… The sunrise of course.

He had the chairs all set up on the balcony and He wrapped us up in the bed blanket and out to the balcony we went. It was so calm and peaceful. As the first signs of light began to show we could see a few people walking on the beach and jogging along the boardwalk. But we were on the top floor, cuddled together in the warmth of Master’s arms and the blanket and no one could see us. No one could tell. We sat patiently in silence holding each other and waiting as the golden light of the sun began to peek up from the ocean. Then as it grew brighter and the golden color turned to a warm glow of red mixed with gold and white and it was breathtaking…and for a moment i was transformed back to the fantasy i spoke of earlier, and the whispered promise of her Master *(“it seems i have missed the sunset, but perhaps i can show you the beauty, passion and fire of the sunrise” )* and a smile spread across my face as a tear of absolute love, gratitude and happiness ran down my cheek. I turned to Master and said “thank You Master, You have given me my fantasy.
Then with a wicked smile Master turned, looked at me with those deep dark eyes, took my hand under the blanket and placed it where i could feel His growing passion and then He said, “now that i have given you your fantasy it is time to give your Master one of His. Show me how you thank your Master for making you cry…

This is a true story and shared of course with Master’s permission.

You see it is not always what we expect but what we feel and see and appreciate in what we have that can make the Reality a Fantasy. If you seek it i’m sure you will find it as well.

Thank you Master, with gratitude from your loving slave……

Of Dom/mes and Monsters

I could not stomach the 50 shades book; a friend had asked me to read it.  I tried, but I just could not get past the girl’s blushing; it sounded like a love struck teenager wrote it.  I did go watch the movie with my sub; I was so curious.  I totally understand the feelings portrayed ever so slightly by Christian; he seemed so repressed and miserable, but there was something that seemed familiar.  I was hung up on one thing though.  When Anastasia asked him if he gets off on beating women, and then asked why he can’t be normal.  I felt like it hit a nerve.  So if he is a sadist, and enjoys giving pain to another, that makes him a monster?  There is a huge difference between consensual BDSM (where there is consensual pain), and abuse, (non-consensual pain). 

I know many Dominants are not into pain, it is different in my case.  So this explains part of my motivation.  Since I was 12 I have been having fantasies that I thought would make me a monster.  The things that turned me on always involved violence, but I never said a thing.  I was going to catholic school, I didn’t even tell the priest at the confessional.  I was terrified that someone may find out, I was afraid of my own drive at this point.  I suppressed it for a long time, but my day dreams were always violent and about control over another person.  I have a hard time even as I write it out now.

I was taught D/s when I was 18-19, but I didn’t get as far as pain was concerned.  I still had my monster suppressed very securely in the dark recesses of my heart.  I sometimes slipped up and hurt my partner during sex, but he seemed to not take notice much.  We would usually be drinking, and I don’t think he remembers. 

A few years ago, my best friend asked to become my sub.  He submitted to me and it blew me away.  We had been talking for years, and at some point I told him I had this monster.  I told him about some of my fantasies.  When he was receptive, so I let out all my secrets.  He wanted to be mine, and receive the pain that I may give.  I tried it once, and then switched to feel what he felt.  I realized I loved every bit of it, except I am resistant to giving up control.  But now I felt the other end of the stick, so to speak.   Now I understood why he liked it, and it made me weak in the knees.  We both found acceptance of our deepest desires, and it was amazing that we found our other puzzle piece.

I do not “get off” by beating people.  What turns me on is feeling his fire.  He enjoys the pain I give, he accepts me for who I am, a sadist.  He doesn’t accept the pain only to make me happy;  I can tell by his body language that he enjoys what I have to give.  That feeds into me, and back into him.  As I use implements to cause him pain, I often ask how he is doing.  He has told me that he can tell if I am not giving my all, and controlling myself too much. 

Sometimes playtime is like walking a tight rope; you have to walk that thin line between total control over yourself and your emotions, and loosing yourself.  When you start losing yourself, that is called Dom-space. When you are about to “lose it” you need to stop immediately; your sub’s safety is now at risk.  When I got there the first time, it frightened me.  I felt like I was enjoying it too much, and about to lose control.  I was flogging my sub, and was hitting harder and harder.  He was sweating and had been feeling a lot of pain  by now.  Somehow between his body language and the music, I wanted so badly to let go.  You know, like when a horse decides to ignore the rider and run wild with no control whatsoever.  I heard my sub scream in pain, (he doesn’t do that often, this was probably the only time). That threw me over the edge, and I had to stop immediately.  If I remember correctly I dropped to my knees, and put down the flogger.  I had to breathe, and regain my control; it felt better than any sex, ever.  It was a high like no other.  So now what?  Does that make me a monster?  I stand on my belief that it would only make me one, if I was doing this to an unwilling victim.  Once I regained my control I got up and started winding my sub down to cool down.  We had a talk later about it.

What I am getting at, is that I agree that we all have a monster inside.  Most people either block it out, or repress it.  Some people hate that monster; others are terrified to even acknowledge it.  I am grateful to be one of the few lucky ones who are able to control and embrace this monster.  I have been so relieved to have found others like me, and find out I am not alone.  I met some wonderful people at our local dungeon.  I saw that we are not completely crazy, but fortunate to have found our other half to our puzzle.  We have a deep understanding of ourselves and our submissives.  Our subs are our most precious possession, and we treasure them accordingly.  Our connection is so much deeper, because there is a great acceptance, and huge trust. 

I have found myself circling my sub like a wild animal about to pounce on their prey, and it’s totally acceptable to us.  I feel free to be myself, and I feel so alive at that precise moment.  I am only telling you what I see and feel from my perspective, everyone’s experiences are different.

As excited as we all feel of being able to control our monster, and let it come out to play, unfortunately it’s not something we can be openly proud of.  Some things need to be kept private; we can’t go out to buy groceries with a slave on a leash, but we can smile on the thought of them waiting for us when the time comes to be with them.

~Sam