THE HEART OF THE MATTER

I want to express to you what this lifestyle means to me.  No, it is not about sex, and it is not about cheap thrills or one night stands.  It is not easy, and it is not all rainbows and unicorns.

This is a lifestyle that takes a lot of work, patience and dedication, it is not for everyone.

Sex is easy, animals can have sex; BDSM is an art.  It is about the essence of a person connecting in the most intimate way with another soul.  It is getting to know each other, and not in the way you think. 

From here on, I am referring to a D/s (Dominant/submissive)  relationship with romantic attachment. Meaning a relationship with your significant other that includes D/s.  There are many kinds of BDSM inclusive relationships, not all have romantic attachment.  Some of these things also repeat in other types of D/s relationships, it all depends on the dynamic.

A Dominant must know what their sub fears the most, what he/she loves the most.  A Dominant should know what makes their sub tick.  What turns the sub on, what motivates the sub, emotionally, and physically.  The Dominant shall get to know the demons that lurk in the dark recesses of their sub’s mind.  He/she should be able to lure those demons out, and help the sub tame them.  The Dominant shall recognize their own and their sub’s strengths, weakness, and deepest “forbidden” desires. 

It takes a lot of love and dedication to see a person for exactly who they are, with all their flaws, demons, weaknesses and admire the beauty within the soul.

It takes a very strong person to submit, to give control to another person, over their body and mind.  This would mean bearing your soul for another to see your true self in its most natural state.  The sub is not a weak person, but a very strong one, to accomplish this, and let go.  A sub shall get to know their Dominant so well, that they can connect in the deepest level. The sub will be able then to strive to please their Dominant and care for them. 

The Dominant shall protect, nurture, love and cherish their sub.  A sub is the most precious possession a person can ever have.  Who can say they own a person, mind, heart, body and soul?  The Dominant is there to guide and teach the sub, not to change the sub, but to bring the sub to grow and blossom under the loving hand of the Dom/me. 

This is a symbiotic relationship, as most should be; both participants give and take.  They both treat each other with utmost respect and love. 

The kinky sex and possible play sessions can be part of a relationship or independently of it.  Everyone builds their own dynamic in a way that feels right for them. I have plenty of documents to explain pain, toys, implements and fetishes.  I just wanted to explain the heart of the matter here.

March 2016

~Sam